Creepy Sex Toys You Should Probably Avoid.

That's right, the title says it all and since I stumble across some weird shit online, I figured this would be a great idea for a post. So here it is... not in chronological order, since I just don't have the time to argue with myself what should go first and last.

Hello Kitty Vibrator

you've probably seen this a time or two on many different sites. But whenever I see it, I picture my little nieces face holding this vibrator thinking it's a pez dispenser and screaming out of joy for the candy pieces to pop out. That is surely not an image I want to foresee when I use a vibrator, so yes, this kitty toy is totally avoidable. Fuck you Sanrio, you dirty pricks!

I Rub My Duckie

 Again, this is a childhood toy that should be left to the children for play time in the bath tub, not vibrate your clit time, especially the generic rubber ducky toy. The bondage ducky might be dirty enough to use, maybe, HEY, I SAID MAYBE!

Japanese Sex Doll With Re-loadable Hymen

Yes, you read that correctly. Now you can have your way with a virgin every time you have sex, since she comes with a red lotion concoction that can be re-loaded each encounter. Every mans dream right? Maybe you can get your red wings while you're at it.

Tiger Woods Sex Doll

I wouldn't fuck the real Tiger, let alone the rubber Tiger. And 100% satisifcation is not guaranteed, as he'll more than likely cheat on you.

Male Chastity Belt

This male chastity belt is more like the anti-sex toy. Who the fuck would want that?

Obama Dildo

I don't know about you, but this is not what I had in mind for pleasuring my beaver. Might work for those of you who have a president fetish, but it's not my cup of tea!

Silicone Squirting Vagina

Did being squirted by a water gun excite you when you were younger? Well now you can live through those days again with your very own squirting pussy. But why, when you know all it's going to do is make a mess? Thank god I don't squirt.

Mario Bros Penis Sleeve

This disturbing plastic face gives you the chance to simulate oral sex with a hairy Italian or one of the Mario brothers. It’s creators describe it as having a soft nodule throat, but it looks like the serrated throat of a giant Sand worm from the planet Arrakis to me.

Concubine

Ok, tits and a vagina, I get it. It’s all a man really needs. But was the additional cock helmet really necessary?

I'm sure there will be future sex toys that are down right disturbing, so don't worry, I'll share them with you when the time comes!